dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think my fart just growled at me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
