I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
