9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
