some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
