When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
