smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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