actually, I'm a sock model
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
