So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
