If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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