U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
