im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
