Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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