I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
