He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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