I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
