Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also, beer. Big fan.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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