hell yes lets make some ravioli
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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