remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
