I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
