we made out on top of his cat.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
