bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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