last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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