I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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