is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it was like eating out sand paper
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
