We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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