I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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