I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
