Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
