bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
