Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
They have beer where we have blood.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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