pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
