You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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