I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
high people should be assigned attendants
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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