somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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