i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
