I wanna bring you to show and tell
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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