I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
