i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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