I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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