She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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