This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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