Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
BRING THE BAGELS
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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