I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
