Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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