VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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