tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
