I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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