Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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