You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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