They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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