i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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