I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
