Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize