I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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