Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
