he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
