where am i from again
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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