i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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