1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
