I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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