Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
