It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
