she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
