How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
