There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
