If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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