i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
