Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
COCAINE IS GR8
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
