the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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