Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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