If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
