my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
