Plan B is the new Plan A
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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