The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
