i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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